The Art Of Argument...

Over the last couple of days I have been giving a lot of thought to the Art of Arguing. I am particularly engaged in this thought process because of a really bad argument I had over the weekend with a really close friend. We had been squabbling back and forth for the past couple of days. I attribute it to the undue stress she placed on herself about an upcoming event. She might disagree. Nonetheless, we had been in heated battle for two days.

Now anyone who really knows me knows that I do not like to argue with people as a rule. I’ll even try to avoid arguments at all cost. However, if pushed to a certain point I am known to snap. This is what happened this past weekend. The verbal sparring, the insults and insinuations were ridiculous. Yet it got me to thinking about arguing with people you love. More importantly the Art of Arguing with people you love. I say Art, because of the quality, production, expression or realm according to the principles of argument.

There is a certain way that one should have disagreements with the people we love. Just because you are angry does not give you free range to say mean and hurtful things. Just because you do not agree with someone does not give you permission to call names. Bringing up past transgressions will not help your side of the argument, because the past is just that. The past. I firmly believe that when you are hurling insults and hurtful conversation to prove your point, the person with whom you are disagreeing ceases to listen. They are now only thinking about the next hurtful thing they are going to say to you. No points have been made. You’ve accomplished nothing.

When I find myself in heated disagreements with the people I love I try to think about what I’m going to say before I open my mouth. I am not looking for the most hurtful thing I can say to them, but the best way to get my point across without attacking them as a human being.  I want to be heard and understood without attacking your character. It is important to not let anger take you places that may be hard to come back from. Words cut deeper than you know. That’s why people say you should be careful how you speak to your children. You could scar them for life with ugly words.

So I say the next time you find yourself in a heated debate with a loved one, friend, coworker, etc., take a few seconds and count to ten before you utter that next sentence. You may save yourself a shit load of I’m sorry’s.